Great news! Prop 8 was upheld in California! That means I will finally be safe from homosexual men and woman getting married! My kids will never be subjected to their evil lifestyle! California has succeeded in protecting the gays from polluting the sanctity of heterosexual marriage, the way g-d intended it to be! Phew! Now that that is taken care of let’s take care of a few more things.
1. Let’s repeal a woman’s right to vote. They’re woman after all! They are way too emotional to make important decisions like who to vote for. Their little lady brains just can’t handle that.
2. Woman in the military, let’s put an end to that too. Do you really want an emotional woman holding a gun? G-d knows what could happen when her little friend comes to visit once a month!
3. Repeal the Civil Rights act! Bring back the Jim Crow Laws! Let’s go back to full separation of the races! I’m talking separate drinking fountains, blacks to the back of the bus, separate schools, and while we are at it lets take away their right to vote also! We were all much better off then. Of course President Obama will have to step down. You can’t possibly have a black man as president if he doesn’t have civil rights!?
4. Internment camps for Japanese people! They attacked us once, you never know when they could snap again!
5. Remove all Jews from Kenilworth IL! I can’t believe they let us in, in the first place!
6. Stone all witches!
7. Bring back slavery! After all it’s a cheap source of labor. GM and Chrysler could save billions in labor costs and avoid bankruptcy!
8. Equal pay for men and women, come on! Men are clearly worth more! Get rid of that as well!
But seriously, if two men, or two women who love each other, in a country that has come so far to legally eliminate so many injustices and forms of discrimination, can’t simply get married, then where have we truly advanced to? To make this perfectly clear to any idiots out there who think I might be serious about any of the suggestions made above, I am not. It’s called sarcasm. But since in a recent poll many Republicans thought Stephen Colbert was on their side, I felt I had to make myself clear here. So you don’t need to write me angry letters and stone me while I walk down the street. I am a bleeding heart liberal. (actually you may want to stone me for that) There is absolutely no reason why two people who love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together should not be able to marry, no matter what gender they may prefer. In what document does it state that same sex marriage is wrong? Ohhhhhh, the bible. I’m sorry I meant a legal document. You see in this country we have something called the separation of church and state. Our laws are not created by a religious entity or governed by a church. They are made by people who represent all of the individuals of this county including people of all races, genders, religions, and sexual orientations. But all of the arguments against same sex marriage are based on religious reasons. The bible says this or the bible says that. We are not ruled by the bible. We can’t be because in a country that celebrates the freedom of religion, what bible would we be ruled by, the Torah, the Koran, the New Testement, and which version of the New Testament? The religious arguments simply don’t apply in a country that is not ruled by religion. And anyone who claims that we are a Christian nation, you are wrong. President Obama recently pointed out in a speech he made in Turkey, “we do not consider ourselves a Christian nation or a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation. We consider ourselves a nation of citizens who are bound by ideals and a set of values." And this is a truth that many religious people just do not want to accept. We are a country of freedom, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and freedom from discrimination. And whether it is discrimination based on race, religion, gender, disability, or sexual orientation, it is wrong. Gay couples live together, raise children together, build lives together and they should have the same rights that my wife and I have. They should have to right to legally marry each other. If a person’s religious beliefs don’t support same sex marriage, then that is a personal thing between that person and there church, and it has no place in our legal system. I would just hope that we would all love and support our children unconditionally and only want them to be happy, no matter what choices they make. Shame on California. They seem to have forgotten that we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.