Parties, We Don't Need No Stinkin' Parties!
April 02, 2010
My grandmother was born in England. She had this kind of half Jewish half English accent. But just like any good English lady she always drank tea, and always with milk, just like a good Brit should. Grandma was a tea bagger. She didn’t use any of that fancy herbal tea, only good old fashion Lipton tea bags. She never drank coffee and back then there was no Starbucks so she never had the opportunity to try any of the foo foo coffee drinks that may have opened her world up to the joys of lattés. That’s right my grandma tea bagged. She tea bagged every chance she could get. And she didn’t care who’s tea bags they were, she would soak them, squeeze them dry and get all the juice out of them she could. She was a real Tea Partier, the real deal. I myself don’t like tea bagging, and only mildly like coffee. Myself, I like a good beer. And not just any beer, a good English ale or wheat beer.
So here is what I am proposing and hear me out on this. To all you Tea Partiers, (and by the way, don’t you find it even a little bit funny that in the beginning you called yourself Tea Baggers which is a sexual term that refers to placing a mans testicles in your mouth? I mean that was really dumb, like Sarah Palin dumb, and that’s really dumb! Oh and what’s the difference between Sarah Palin and a box of rocks? About 30 IQ points and a red blazer.) and to all you Coffee Partiers, (listen I get it, you’re Democrats and wanted to make a group that countered the Tea Partiers so you called yourself Coffee Partiers, but really that is pretty lame, don’t you agree? Tea Partiers are up there yelling at the top of their lungs, calling Senators the “N” word, spitting on Democrat Congressmen, throwing rocks and chairs through windows and yelling baby killer at town hall meetings, and you guys are sipping skinny, soy, no whip, grande caramel lattes, while eating cinnamon scones, and low fat cranberry orange muffins. Way to make an impact!) there has got to be a better way then all of this Democrat, Republican, tea bag, coffee crap. The problem we have is that in Washington nobody votes simply what they believe. Democrats vote their party line. Republicans vote their party line and what ends up happening is that if there is a Republican or a Democrat that wants to sway from the party line and does so, they are then banished from their party and can never make a deal again in DC to get their own bills passed. So what we are stuck with is constant partisan all or nothing votes. But there is a solution.
Eliminate all parties! I’m talking Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Green Party, Socialist Party, the Constitution Party, all of them! Let everyone be Independent, think what ever they want, not be bound by party lines, and then we will see some real fireworks happen in Washington! Just imagine it. No one could ever be accused of abandoning their party because there wouldn’t be any. Politicians could wheel and deal with anyone they want to and vote their conscience instead of voting their party. But how do we start this? How do we get it going? Like any movement it has to start with the people. But it can not happen all at once. Like any grass roots movement it must start small. It must happen with one party and then all the other parties will follow suit like lemmings. I believe the best way to approach this is for every Democrat, and independent to send the following letter to every Republican you know:
Dear (Republican friend),
We Democrats and Independents have decided that enough is enough, enough partisanship, enough bickering and enough parties! Even though we do not see eye to eye on the issues, the party system is not letting us vote our conscience. Those of us who want to vote different then our party are bound to the party lines and we can not think for our selves. The solution is simple. Join us in eliminating the party system, join us in declaring that we are all Independents and join us in voting your mind, not your party. Together we can create a better America, one that the great Ronald Regan would be proud of! Now you go first. Get this ball of independence rolling and we promise to follow next. Together let’s follow the immortal words of Sarah Palin, “I Quit.”
Your Democratic friend and soon to be Independent, I promise, pinky swear, I really will quit my party, you can count on me, would I let you down?
(your name here)
Before you know it there will be no more Republicans, FOX “News” will be gone, Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh will move together to Costa Rica and the only thing left to do will be to have a real party! I’ll supply the beer.
You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.