Marriage, That's So Gay!
July 11, 2010
I’d like you to ask yourself some questions, some real tough questions, and I‘d like you to be brutally honest with yourself. After all, you are the only one who will know the answers. Let’s get started. First, how stressful is your marriage? What percentage of the time do you spend fighting, bickering, and arguing, or what ever you want to call it? And how are you as a parent? Be honest. What are your short comings as a parent? Have you really done the best you can? Have you given your kids all the love, patience and understanding that you are capable of? Is there anything that you can see your children looking back at, twenty years from now, that you did or said, that they may say to themselves, during some therapy session, “My parents really messed me up with that one.” Oh and by the way, if you can’t think of anything, believe me, there’s something. And finally, what has contributed more to the success or failure of your family, the fact that you have a “traditional marriage”, and by that I mean a man married to a woman, or the decisions that you made as a parent and their effect on your children? I don’t know what your answers are and frankly, I don’t care. But what I do know is this. How you parent has a much larger impact on the type of individual your child turns out to be then if your family is “traditional” or not. I have seen many a heterosexual married couple mess up there kids beyond belief. I have seen kids scarred by divorce, had there lives ruined by physical and sexual abuse. I have seen kids who all they want is time from mom and dad but instead are told that they are too busy, kids who crave some attention then act out because they simply can’t get it. I have seen kids who turn to drugs, alcohol, who get pregnant at fourteen years old. I have seen kids who whether they know it or not just want a loving family to be there for them. And I don’t care if you are gay, straight or bi, you all have an equal opportunity to mess up your kids lives.
According to traditional Christian belief, a marriage is made up of a man and woman who take certain vows and then are “married” in the eyes of g-d. Add kids to this formula and supposedly you have a family. And according to traditional Christian belief this is final and absolute. There is no other form of marriage, or family. It is precisely this final and absolute Christian definition of marriage that has been challenged in the last few years.
If you look up the word “family” on the internet you find the following definitions:
1. A social unit living together.
2. Primary social group, parents and children.
3. A group of people or animals affiliated by close relationship, affinity or co-residence.
But my favorite definition that I found is this, “a group of people held together by bonds of love and affection.” If you notice, there is one commonality between all of these definitions. That is no mention of parents having to be a man and woman. These definitions open up the possibilities for many types of families to exist including families that have two parents of the same sex. The fact is same-sex couples have as much rights to get married and to be parents as any other people in this world do. Recently I happen to be flipping the channels and came across a documentary made by Rosie O’Donnell, about the cruise that she and her partner at the time sponsored for families with gay and lesbian parents called “All Aboard! Rosie’s Family Cruise.” I had heard about this movie and remembered when she was putting this together. There had been many cruises before this one for gays and lesbians, but never specifically for those with children. This one was meant to make a statement, a statement about what is a family, a statement about who is acceptable to marry. I watched this movie and saw something amazing, I saw families. I saw unbelievable, loving, caring families. I saw parents who cared and nurtured their children in such a loving way that I wished all parents could be like this to their kids, and who like any other parent should, gave them as much of themselves as they knew how. I saw parents who respected there children and didn’t shield them from the world but instead kept there eyes wide open so that they could grow and understand, and learn to overcome what ever obstacles may come in there way. I saw parents, loving wonderful parents who simply wanted the same thing that all of us want, to raise there kids to be the best they can be, and the right to commit to each other without the law saying you can’t.
Currently only six states allow same-sex marriages, while thirty-six states have prohibitions on the books banning same-sex marriage. Yet every state will allow a convicted rapist, murderer, or child molester to get married, and do so while they are still in prison. But for some reason, in the eyes of the law, a same-sex couple has less rights then convicted criminals. We would not be the first country to legalize same-sex marriage. Currently it is legal in Spain, Portugal, Sweden, Iceland, Norway, Holland, Belgium, South Africa, and Canada. Where exactly is the argument against same-sex marriage? In every case the argument is rooted in religion. The law may not word it in such a way, but ask any one who supports a ban against same-sex marriage and they will refer to the bible as there support and rational. The problem with this though is simple. In this country we have laws that separate church and state. Our laws are not based on the teachings of Jesus, Moses, or Mohammad, or any other religion for that matter. In addition, we also have laws against discrimination, and to ban same-sex couples from getting married is nothing but that, discrimination. We have overcome so much in this country. We forget that at one time women did not have the right to vote. African Americans had separate schools, drinking fountains, places on the bus. Buildings were not required to be handicap accessible. But that has all changed, we have all changed, this country has changed. Shortly we will see the ban barring gays from openly serving in the military change as well. And eventually “a group of people held together by bonds of love and affection” will be the only thing that will matter when it comes to marriage. This too will change.
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