The Presidents View on The View
Forty-Four Years of Always Being Right, Well Left Actually

Gay Marriage, Strangled Chickens, And What They Have in Common.


"I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman." - Arnold Schwarzengger


Is being gay something that is learned or something that is inherent to a persons being? In other words is it nature, or nurture?  Is a person born gay, or are they taught to be gay?  This is the ongoing debate about homosexuality.  Thinking about it for a minute I am not sure what you could do to teach someone to be gay.  I mean no one ever taught me to be straight, I just am.  Oh sure I guess there would be some obvious things you could do like, making your kid listen to showtoons all of the time, although when I was a kid I loved going to see musicals, or encouraging your son to decorate the house, although I was excited to go help my mom pick out wall paper and a matching comforter for my bedroom, or I suppose you could dress up your son in girls clothing and put makeup on him and call him Briana, although my older sister used to do that to me to amuse her friends and tell my mom that she has a new sister, but even through all of that, as far as I can tell, I am completely straight. I am married to an absolutely wonderful, drop dead, knock-out, beautiful wife, I have two wonderful kids and although I feel secure and confident enough in my masculinity to admit that George Clooney is a very good looking man, I have no desire to sleep with him.  The closest I ever got to being gay was when I was in the show “Tony and Tina’s Wedding” for six months.  I understudied the role of the all too obviously gay videographer who if you played the part right made Richard Simmons look like a WWE wrestler.   I wore a purple suit with a cropped jacket with shoulder pads that looked like it was stolen from Prince’s closet.  I knew I had done the role justice when one night after the show an overly homophobic audience member, who I had earlier highly embarrassed at his dinner table came up to me just to make sure that I was straight and not really a member of the Kathy Griffin fan club.   Basically, if nurture was what made a person gay, then I would be a flaming homo by now.  But even so the debate over nature vs. nurture rages on.
The answer all depends on who you ask but regardless of the answer, many believe homosexuality is just wrong.  Many believe that it is a sin and that very simply it is against the teachings of the bible.  On that note, what else is against the teachings of the bible?  Well according to the Holy Scriptures these are just some of the hundreds of things that are considered “sins” in addition to homosexuality.

  1. Eating blood. - Ok, it’s gross, but a sin?
  2. Not spanking a disobedient child. - Yes, you read that right, NOT spanking.
  3. Filthy dreams.  - C’Mon, those are the best ones!
  4. Eating things strangled. - I call this one the Dahmer sin.
  5. Striking a man in the groin. – Fuck yea it’s a sin! But apparently it’s ok to do to a woman.
  6. Boasting. – Oh by the way, I just got my Masters Degree!
  7. Wives not submitting to their husbands. – Ok, now that one makes sense.
  8. Wearing clothes of the opposite sex. – Um, does this apply to silk?  Just wondering.
  9. Not honoring the President. – I did not make this up, I swear!  FOX News is SO screwed!
  10. Being Called Rabbi. – Oh that is SO hypocritical!
  11. Being Hypocritical – See “Being Called Rabbi”.
  12. Judging – Now THAT is Hypocritical, JESUS CHRIST!

Isn’t judging exactly what people are doing when they say that people of the same sex can not get married?  But I guess that sin is OK to do.  Isn’t the very act of creating Prop 8 in California a sin according to the teachings of Jesus Christ? But I guess that sin is OK. And isn’t the very act of voting for Prop 8 in California a sin in itself since the individual who votes is placing judgment on who does and who does not have a right to be married?  But again, I guess that sin is ok.  The fact is deciding who can and who can not get married in this country should not be decided by religion, by fear or by prejudice.  Prop 8 by its very nature is nothing but pure discrimination against a group of people, in a country that separates the laws of church and state. As Judge Walker wrote in his decision to overturn Prop 8 this week:
“Proposition 8 singles out gays and lesbians and legitimates their unequal treatment… Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples… Proposition 8 played on the fear that exposure to homosexuality would turn children into homosexuals and that parents should dread having children who are not heterosexual.”
The fact is, there is no law saying that men can’t wear women's clothing, or wives must submit to there husband.  There are no laws saying that you must honor or respect the President, or that you can’t eat a strangled chicken.  It is not against the law to be called a Rabbi, and it is perfectly legal for you and I to have any type of dream that we want to have no matter how dirty it may be.  Yet for some reason this one particular “sin”, same-sex marriage, is singled out by those who claim it to be immoral.  Yet many of those same people have no problem spending an evening watching naked women pole dance while they stuff dollar bills in there g-strings, as they drink liquor, smoke cigarettes, and swear.  Many of those people cheat on their spouses, gamble in Vegas, steal pens from their work place and cheat on their taxes.  I guess those sins are ok to do, but g-d forbid two individuals of the same sex, who love each other, and want to spend the rest of their lives together, and maybe even share that love with children, should have the legal right to do so, because that of course would be wrong, that would be immoral, that would be sinful. Actually, to forbid that would be hypocritical.



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